Are Large Families and Full Time Ministry Incompatible?

Several days ago Molly posted regarding the Quiverfull concept and what it means to her husband and herself. That generated a great discussion, which I imagine many of us are still thinking about. I know that I am.

I think to begin with, I’ll try to quickly sum up our family’s thoughts on children:

To us, it is much more than a woman popping out baby after baby after baby, year after tedious year. It is more than a woman being physically able or unable to do this. It is about God desiring to breathe life into a specific human individual, one that he has planned and purposed since time immemorial. It is not a burden to me, a law to be fulfilled at risk or fear of “sinning,” but a privilege.

I fully respect the individual health issues of many, many women. So many of you have testified to the difficulties that you or your children have, and I am so sorry for the pain you have carried. I believe that God himself feels your pain and helps you to carry it, and does not condemn you under the burden of “sin.”

I fully respect individual freedom, God allowed. I am willing to say that God has different paths for different people; but that His overarching view of life and of children is that they are “good,” and desireable, and that the Church in general in America has forgotten this.

Frankly, I think it is only in this forum where so many of us can gather together that this is even an issue. Most people in real life would laugh to even discuss whether birth control or surgical sterility is an issue! In my entire life, in real time, I have only known one other Christian family who believed this was an issue to pray about, to seek God about. Most of them did not hesitate to ask for prayer regarding a new home or which car to buy or which job to take, but never regarding children. And yes, we women DO talk about such things, so they have told me how they feel. (Note: If you as a reader feel judged by me, please, please don’t. I don’t know you personally, haven’t talked with you, and feel no need to judge you. I’m only talking about people that I know in depth.)

Having spent my entire life in “ministry” roles (preacher’s kid, preacher’s wife, missionary siblings) I can give firsthand account that preachers and missionaries are encouraged to limit their families, for the sake of being able to “minister” more. Most missionary kids that I grew up with were sent away to boarding school for seven months of the year, so that their parents could do their job. (memo: many of them have spent decades of their adult lives trying to deal with their feelings of abandonment and resentment, as well.) Sherrin brought up this topic in the comments, and I want to quote her here.

God never presents a dichotomy between ministry and child bearing, and neither should we. In most of history, the church has sacrificially cared for orphans and the unwanted whilst having very large families. Surely, if birth control was a great tool for effective ministry God would have provided reliable means of it much earlier than the twentieth century. Desiring God argued that if you have fewer children you may be able to give more to missions. This seems incredibly short sighted, since if you raise many godly children they will give heaps more to missions than you ever could have! (Sherrin was talking about Desiring God by John Piper. You can read the article in question here.)

Wow, Sherrin. What a great point! I’ve got to admit, I struggled with this BEFORE my husband entered the pastorate. At one Bible study I attended, the topic was, “How can I minister to others if I home school,” (with the implication that one CAN’T) and another question often asked was, “How can I minister to others if I continue to have children?” Again, it was assumed that the two were mutually incompatible.

There ARE times when it is tough, honestly, such as when the little ones are sick and I can’t attend for weeks at a time. Many times I am sure I’m not the pastor’s wife that many hope for, and yet, I know that God gave me these specific children and I must be faithful to THIS calling for THIS time in life. I believe he’ll have a different role for me in future days.

My “eldest” children are old enough now for me to begin to see the fruits of actually being a large family in ministry context. (And you know, everyone is a minister in the body of Christ. I’m not talking about something exclusive here!) This is the multiplication of ourselves that Sherrin was talking about! By faithfully bearing, raising and training my children, they are able to do so much more than I can do alone.

Here are some of the ways my older children serve our local body. They run Power Point and are training to run sound for services. They attend first service (so they aren’t missing church) then serve as teacher’s helpers in the younger classes during our second service. They play piano specials and sing for services. They help set up and clean up for the Senior Citizen’s lunches. They work in the nurseries. They visit people in the nursing home, and share their talents there. They greet and mingle. They are friends with all ages throughout our church.

Whenever I become discouraged with my lack of “time” to do more or serve more, I am encouraged by 3 extra sets of very willing and capable hands. In future years, I know that there will be even MORE extra hands ready to serve. My husband wishes all volunteers were as easy to come by, and had such willing hearts. It *is* hard when they are little, but WOW!, the rewards come later, if you hang in there! Don’t let the thought that big families and ministry are incompatible scare you off!