Dear Mom

All moms.  Tall moms, short moms, skinny moms, lots to hug moms,  moms of bigs, moms of littles, moms of few, moms of many…but particularly and especially – moms of mostly littles or moms of many..

You are on my heart and mind.  God is pressing you particularly close of late.  There are some things I want to say to you.

Why are you so hard on yourselves?

Why do you imagine that if only you can do it ALL right, and ALL well, things will be perfect and you will have no troubles?

Why do you think if you mess up on one thing – your children will turn out petty thieves and welfare kings?

You put so much pressure upon yourselves.  Not only do you love and honor God’s gift of life – you have ten children to prove it!  (And I have to agree that children are God’s gift.  I have seven and hope to have any more that He sends me!)  You expect to have a perfectly clean house, and healthy meals, and the laundry done and put away.  Not to mention the clean floor and polished windows, and a happy husband.  You feel your children should be perfectly behaved – at all times, and should test *at least* two grades above standardized test averages.  Your schedule should run like the Duggars, bless their beautiful hearts! (And really – aren’t they impressive?)

You believe you should run a mini-farm, grind your own wheat or spelt, soak your grains, make your own yogurt, laundry soap and household cleaners.  You should make your own butter, your own super-fatted soap, treat all of your illnesses naturally.

You should be practicing hospitality…someone new in your home every week.  You should be growing deep through 2 hours of Bible study daily.  You should be researching the latest trends in Christianity.  You should know what the terms “emergent” and “post evangelical” mean.  You MUST be up on current events and have a proper view on eschatology and contemplative meditation.  Never mind that your baby NEVER sleeps when he should.  Or that you are pregnant and still nursing the previous baby.  Oh, and right.  You should be perfectly in shape and have THE BEST haircut ever!

Sigh.

Heavy, melodramic, weighted sigh.

Honey – come here and sit down.

Relax.

I know these things, because I have felt these things.  I know this intense pressure to be…perfect.  To do it all or nothing.

But you can’t.  No one can.  A few may tell you that they do – and they may – but probably not all at once.

I’m not sure who we are looking to who tells us we must be all of these things and more.  Perhaps the home schooling community?  Perhaps our inner drive?  Perhaps the internet?  We are able to “visit” in so many women’s homes, and “see” the edited version of “how they do it all?”  We are always on some self improvement kick – which is generally good – but sometimes we need to see ourselves as we really are and cut ourselves some slack.  We join group after group who will help us clean our cupboards and get our laundry tackled.  And when we can’t keep up – we kick ourselves again.

When I say to cut yourself some slack, I mean this.   If you have little children, and no one is over the age of 8 – you need to realize that your home will not be perfect.  If you have seven children – unless you run a military regime – your floor will need perpetually swept and the laundry will never be finished.

I’m not advocating “slobbery” here – but a realistic view that you are outnumbered. 

If you do not lighten up – you will, at one point, burn out.  Completely and totally fizzle, and you will be ready to chuck your entire lifestyle.

You don’t need to chuck it all.  You need to step back, lower your expectations, and ask God what He would have you do.  Find out what He really thinks is important for this stage of your life.  Maybe you ARE supposed to make your own yogurt.  Maybe your floor really should be crumb free.  It won’t be the same for each woman or her family.

But you need to take some time to be still.  Stop cramming your seconds so full.  Stop raising your blood pressure.  Listen to God.  Take care of your spiritual body.  Take care of your physical body.  Take care of your family.  Everything else will flow down from there.

Practice peace, practice patience, practice mercy.  Let the perfection drop by the dusty wayside.  Let it GO!

With my love and concern, and peace to you,

Holly