I usually reserve articles involving ministry families for my other blog – The Pastor’s Family – but today I thought you might like to read some statistics that I have recently run across.
I wish I could say that these stats surprised me – but they don’t. In fact, they confirm previous deep suspicions and fears.
These come from Mark Driscoll’s blog, in an article called “Death by Ministry.” The stats were compiled from data from sources such as Barna and Focus on the Family. Note: None of my links indicate endorsement for any of these websites – I have NOT checked them out according to theology, philosophy or worldview. These are linked merely for the statistics listed.
Pastors
- Fifteen hundred pastors leave the ministry each month due to moral failure, spiritual burnout, or contention in their churches.
- Fifty percent of pastors’ marriages will end in divorce.
- Eighty percent of pastors and eighty-four percent of their spouses feel unqualified and discouraged in their role as pastors.
- Fifty percent of pastors are so discouraged that they would leave the ministry if they could, but have no other way of making a living.
- Eighty percent of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry within the first five years.
- Seventy percent of pastors constantly fight depression.
- Almost forty percent polled said they have had an extra-marital affair since beginning their ministry.
- Seventy percent said the only time they spend studying the Word is when they are preparing their sermons.
Pastors’ Wives
- Eighty percent of pastors’ spouses feel their spouse is overworked.
- Eighty percent of pastors’ spouses wish their spouse would choose another profession.
- The majority of pastor’s wives surveyed said that the most destructive event that has occurred in their marriage and family was the day they entered the ministry.
The following comes from Eugene Cho at Beauty and Depravity, or more originally from Monday Morning Insight.
“…the ministerial profession (life as pastors) is now considered one of the most dangerous or unhealthiest profession. It’s usually rated last or second to last.”
and goes on to quote some disheartening statistics:
- 80% of pastors say they have insufficient time with spouse and that ministry has a negative effect on their family.
- 40% report a serious conflict with a parishioner once a month.
- 33% say that being in ministry is an outright hazard to their family.
- 75% report they’ve had significant stress-related crisis at least once in their ministry.
- 58% of pastors indicate that their spouse needs to work either part time or full time to supplement the family income.
- 56% of pastors’ wives say they have no close friends.
- Pastors who work fewer than 50 hrs/week are 35% more likely to be terminated.
- 40% of pastors considered leaving the pastorate in the past three months.
Why share these with you?
So you will know the struggles, so you will know the depth of strength, of integrity that it takes to be a ministry family today, so that you can support your pastor and family. The church is much, much, much more that the pastor. It is the Body – working in tandem, in unity, in oneness, in wholeness, in health. If the head is sick and needs health and healing, the body is ill as well.
I encourage you to find out how your pastor and his family are really doing! Find out how your local Body can truly help!
March 21, 2007 at 2:20 am |
Holly,
I just have to give a word of testimony to the Lord. We came home this past Sunday from being gone several days to a conference. We drove in our driveway Sunday evening with eyes and mouths wide open. Our church family had done an “extreme makeover” to the outside of our house. Flowers planted, monkey grass, new pots with flowers, new outside rugs to wipe dirty little feet before entering the house, new shelfing on the back porch with new shoebox bins with nails, ropes, bungie cords etc. My husbands vehicle had been washed, new bucket with washing supplies on the new shelfs. New rack for all the bats and balls they had picked up from our very large backyard. Roof cleaned, gutters cleaned, house pressure washed, windows cleaned,trampoline made like new. Bikes spiffed up and line neatly etc. etc. They did in two days what it would have taken my husband to do in MONTHS. We walked around literally for 30 min. noticing ALL they had done. All my husband could say was, I don’t ever want to let them down. Do you think he’s studied just a little more diligently this week? Probably. Not only was it an encouragement to my husband and myself but our five children can’t stop talking about it. Amazingly they have given the glory to God because of the His servants He has sent our way. After church planting for the last four years in another location that was very different climate we are completely OVERWHELMED with God’s grace and provision to us. We have been blessed beyond measure!
March 21, 2007 at 3:20 am |
wow…. that is so cool.
Julie…enjoy and love that church..that’s all I can say…. 
March 21, 2007 at 3:44 am |
Julie! That is so wonderful!!!! What a wonderful testimony! And yes – I’m positively certain that your husband studied with new conviction this week, and felt much encouraged. I’m so thrilled for you!
March 21, 2007 at 4:05 am |
Thanks Annette and Holly it was truly humbling. I wanted to add one more thing, they even thought of putting a new net on the basketball goal our boys have shot more baskets in the last two days than they did in the two weeks prior. God is good and my prayer is that more Pastor’s and their families will be blessed by their congregations in ways that minister to that particular family. My brother is also a pastor and I know he is going through trials right now. Isn’t it great to serve a God who is as faithful in the valley as He is on the mountain top.
March 21, 2007 at 5:41 am |
These stats are so so sad, and ouchy, so true, yeah? Julie, that is so awesome – how incredibly cool!!
Something that has totally changed my mindset on the “church” is our now church… house churches are far from perfect, and maybe not for everyone, but to a large extent it takes a big burden of ministry off the pastor. And we studied the church, Jesus’ view of the church, the role of the church body, and quite frankly, if we were actually doing “our” job, we almost wouldn’t need pastors, you know? They would be God’s extra bonus to us instead of the life line of the church.
March 21, 2007 at 6:02 am |
Yes, Renee, you are correct. I know that many churches are switching from the traditional model -for many reasons of course. But this is *a* reason, for sure!
There are so many pastors who still work within this traditional model, though…and there is definitely room for improvement!
Julie – God is Faithful at ALL times! I am SO thankful!
March 21, 2007 at 7:23 am |
Thank you, Holly, for the reminder to pray for our pastors! I am a pastor’s daughter and can attest to the stress that it can bring on a family, but thankfully my experience has been largely positive.
Are there things that you and your husband have done in order to help your marriage and family do well while you are in the ministry?
Thank you for your encouraging story, Julie!
March 21, 2007 at 8:42 am |
I think we as church members sometimes expect pastors and their families to be the life giving pulse of the church and we forget that they, like the rest of us are human and in need of the same things – prayer, support, encouragement and love. These statistics of those leaders inside the ministry should really shake us up and bother us to our core as a congregation worldwide. To me, these numbers say that we are not doing enough as a church and brothers and sisters to surround and protect our leaders and their families.
Holly – what can we (non-pastor families and individuals) do to lift up our pastors and their families aside from prayer? I loved Julie’s story and I’m wondering if you had more thoughts on how we can bless those that teach and pastor each week.
March 21, 2007 at 8:49 am |
Jennifer – yes! It takes a conscientious effort on both of our parts to make things work! (Particularly a large family in ministry.)
We HAVE to be in good communication. (Not necessarily about the details of what is going on at church – but what is going on with the both of us.)
I have to realize that there are times of busyness. He just can’t help that. It’s his job. There are times of crises, where he is called away from our plans – and I have to be okay with that too! People need him during a crisis – and at those times we are glad to be available.
He has to stretch himself rather thin at times…too thin, I think! He has to be willing to give that extra mile when he gets home. He has a house full of kids (and a wife) who NEED him and his attention and his interaction. We simply aren’t willing that the kids will suffer or grow up resenting the Church and Christianity because mom and dad didn’t have time for them.
We have to be accountable to each other. I can ask him ANY question, at ANY time. I am respectful, at least I try to be (!) but everything is on the table. We simply can’t run the risk of letting things go on assumption, or untalked about.
He has policies in place as a safeguard for counseling women. The door to his office is open, or he asks his associate to stay in the building if a woman is stopping by to talk.
There are more – but these are just some of the things that we do off of the top of my head. We work diligently to keep our relationship strong…just like ANY couple needs to do today!
Thanks for asking – I appreciate a chance to tell some of these things!
March 21, 2007 at 9:33 am |
Laura – thank YOU for asking! That means a lot!
(And yeah, I think these stats should shake us to the core, as well!)
A minister’s family that feels loved and supported (not necessarily agreed with all of the time!) will give back so much more! (As Julie so aptly testified above.)
The best things are the practical things: Usually, we have left our families in order to move to a pastorate. Not all – but often. We get lonely! It is difficult to always be an outsider. We love to be welcomed as family – it means the world! Our children used to be so sad to think that everyone else had grandparents close by – but they did not. If you love the pastor’s children – you are doing a wonderful thing! Those children NEED connections!
If you are able to befriend the pastor’s wife – do that! Call her sometimes, just to talk. You don’t always have to have a reason, other than to see how she is doing. One of the best gifts you can give is to let her be herself. She needs to guard her tongue (as we all do) and may find it difficult because she is always worried that she is going to say something wrong, or that will be misinterpreted, or that will be told to other people. If she is too loud, she is afraid of criticism. If she is too quiet, she is afraid of criticism. If she is….(insert your choice here)…she is afraid of criticism. There is always the pressure to be perfect, to say the right thing, to have the right attitude, to reflect properly upon her husband’s ministry, to have perfectly well-behaved children, to be super-spiritual…oh, goodness! You get the point, right?
It’s just very, very hard to get close to people, and if you give her the gift of friendship it will be an amazing gift!
A congregation needs to make sure that their minister is taking time away. Many ministers get one day a week – if there is not a funeral. There are almost never 2 days in a row. Seeing as this is the case – it would be GREAT if the minister was told he MUST take a few days of sabbatical every quarter or so. And yes, most conscientious pastors need to be told they HAVE to do this for their own sanity and health.
The emotional/mental pressure is so intense!
If they have children – perhaps different people could watch their children once a month so they could enjoy an evening out to work on their relationship. (And the people could try to not look put upon while doing so!)
Or if the children were little, someone could watch the children so that the wife could attend a Bible study.
Laura – I fear sounding like I think that pastors and their families are a special class and deserve special treatments that are above others…and that’s not how I feel at all! I think if people could understand the immense stress and strain that comes from bearing the spiritual weight for a congregation – they would see the need for love, connection, support, and rest for a pastor and his family. The minister bears more in private than most people know – and it has taken many a good man down and out!
The minister and family have their obligations to their congregation, too. They MUST be faithful, and trustworthy, and accountable in all areas of their lives. Not perfect – but truly people who try to walk by the power of the Holy Spirit. They need to try to settle in, to build friendships, to love their people and community as family.
And – to finish up – I think that something is vitally flawed in the current way we view a pastor’s work. Too much is focused on one man and his ability to spin all of the plates! That – is something that I don’t know how to change!
March 21, 2007 at 5:40 pm |
I am SO into honouring the pastors, Holly! You should be at our church!
What Julie shared is awesome, so lovely! That is how a church family should take care of their hard-working leaders. I’m not saying the following to boast at all, but just to share some stuff.
When our pastor hurt his back and could not move much for three months, we all went over and blitzed the house and garden for a day. Lawns, pruning, the lot. People also did this quite regularly during this period. Someone used to drive from two HOURS away to do their groceris for them. When they have been away travelling and ministering, we always try to get a basket of groceries together, and one or two meals.
Most weeks, someone takes care of their kids for a day so they can get away together and pray and seek the Lord. They also get a ‘date night’ most weeks, or at least each fortnight.
The thing is, we don’t just do these things for the pastors, we try to look after lots of people that way – the meals, the garden blitz, and so on. I think it is such a good way to show love.
The flip side is that our pastors are SUCH givers. They have looked after us in countless ways – financially, practically, apart from the spiritual stuff, lol! Jesus was the best servant leader – I so believe we should take our cue from Him.
My belief is that the church should do most of the ‘work’ of the ministry, leaving the pastors free to seek the Lord, really draw from Him. The practical stuff we can take care of. I think, finally, this is happening in our church – lots of the nitty gritty is out of the pastors hand, which is great.
So much to say on this, Holly! I like what you say about people not looking ‘put-out’ – that is so true! I think the idea of serving others has to come from a heart-motive – otherwise people do get resentful or a little selfish. You have to catch the desire to serve and love people through serving, don’t you?
Must go. Kids’ Church prep to do!
love, Val
March 21, 2007 at 8:19 pm |
Valerie – I love you deeply. Have I told you that lately?
What a wonderful vision your church is living out!
March 21, 2007 at 8:52 pm |
Holly, you are so right about the pressure that a Pastor feels and the weight of responsibility of caring for a flock. Something I am ever mindful of is our children. I believe so many pastors family hear and see the “problems” people are having. Even though I don’t know all that my husband knows the kids and I are often aware that something is going on. I believe it’s important for us to allow our children to see the struggles of a walk with Christ. The highs and the lows. I often ask my kids to pray for me that I am struggling. I will claim scriptural proofs and promises and tell them I KNOW these things in my head but my heart is struggling. It’s amazing to see how they are diligent to pray for their Dad and myself. Likewise, we give God the glory to even small answers to prayers. I want our children to see us striving to be Christlike and failing and pressing on. I grew up in a wonderful Christian home but I honestly didn’t think my parents sinned. I KNEW they did I just didn’t see the struggle. Please understand I’m not saying that our kids need to know the adult issues we are dealing with but I do believe we can share some of struggles. (anger, being impatient, lazy, etc.) and ask our family to pray for us and rejoice with us when we see the Lord answer our prayers. I also think it’s important for the church body to see these struggles. My husband has asked for prayer many times from the pulpit without giving details, just saying I know I and my family are under spiritual attack from the enemy please pray for us. Showing others we don’t have it all together holds us accountable and reminds others we are human too.
March 21, 2007 at 10:34 pm |
I think one of the biggest things, as women, that you can do is to stay away from comments like these, “Oh, well, your a pastor’s wife, of course you feel that way.” Or, “Well, pastor’s wives are supposed to think that!” I have heard those comments so many times. Also, don’t elevate us. I feel like so many expectations are placed on me, and if I slip, people are tsk-tsking and shaking their heads in disapproval at my husband. I am what you call “The assistant pastor’s wife that doesn’t quite fit the mold.” (I am a little too outspoken, a little too opinionated for my own good, very outgoing, not shy, etc…. I am working on keeping my opinions to myself!) Some poeple like that, some don’t. It’s the ones that don’t that I get all the comments from. It’s one of the worse things in the world to feel as if you don’t quite ‘make the cut’. I want my husband to succeed so badly in the ministry, and the last thing I want is for him to fail because I am not the ‘perfect pastor’s wife’.
March 21, 2007 at 11:29 pm |
Cassandra wrote: “the last thing I want is for him to fail because I am not the ‘perfect pastor’s wife’.”
Yes! Absolutely true, Cassandra!
March 22, 2007 at 7:31 am |
Holly, have you seen this link?
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/five-questions-for-noel-heikkinen-on-the-mark-driscoll-confessional
I used to attend a church that had five teaching pastors that rotated through the year or shared the pulpit through a series (where one would tackle each part of a series). On the “off” time for the rotating pastors, they would take a sabbatical of sorts either by themselves for a silent retreat of sorts, a family vacation or attend a conference that served to grow them spiritually as an individual. The church picked up the cost for each of these pastors to do this and in doing so, has allowed the church to be one of the healthiest, most thriving churches in southern california.
I do think we expect too much from one (or even a few) men and their families. I’m not sure where the gift of “pastor” or “teaching” melted into being a one stop all inclusive spiritual gift shop where one can come to them or their families for anything at anytime always, many times to the pastor and their families detriment (given those statistics). Ok, that was a seriously long run on sentence. Sorry.
March 22, 2007 at 9:19 am |
Thanks Laura – that was very interesting!
Holy Cow! He only preaches 19 times a YEAR? My husband preaches that many times in 6 or 7 WEEKS! (3x on Sundays.) That would be a definite…change!
I love the concept of the rotating “pulpit,” and yet – that doesn’t work for the smaller church.
Laura, thanks for this link! I’ll pass it along to my husband. It gives lots to think about!
March 22, 2007 at 2:23 pm |
It’s been great to read all of these comments! Your stats regarding pastors are frightening–I’ve read a few over at Family.org too. One reason I blog is (hopefullly) to encourage women in ministry (as pastor’s wives, missionary wives and music ministry wives.)
I want you to know that one of my most googled-for archived posts is “Spotlight on Your Pastor’s Wife: 25 Ways to Care for the Lady Who Loves.” (October) Truly! I’ve blessed and even surprised to see that people ARE thinking of pastors and especially their wives. People looking for ways to support you. Thanks for bringing these grave statistics to my attention again. I’ll have to put my thinking cap on, and come up with another post along the same lines… maybe oriented toward the men.
(((Hugs)))
March 22, 2007 at 7:43 pm |
I grew up in a Pastor’s family. My mom went through times when she hated being a pastor’s wife. She wanted to just be our own little family, with no one else judging or taking advantage of us. I guess we all have times when we don’t understand the will of God. I’m sorry that our society is so hard on pastors. I’m trying to be better now that I’m on the other side of the fence.
March 25, 2007 at 7:00 pm |
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