(Part One)
Managing many small children is an artform, I think.
It certainly isn’t one that I have perfected, and that is why I scour the internet and book sellers, reading advice from the pros – those who have been there, done that, and as Barbara Curtis says – lived to tell about it.
The tendency for mothers is to pass a certain stage with their children, find life a little easier, and then assume that life is smoother because they became better mothers. Surely we do grow as we mother, but honestly, I believe that the reason life seems easier is simply because the children have grown some. They don’t need us as intensely once they are potty trained and speaking in complete sentences.
Some combinations of little people are easier than others. I have watched friends of mine with three mellow girl children. The children were gentle and compliant – oh sure, they weren’t perfect, but they didn’t naturally bicker or compete. I’ve had a few children like that. (Okay, two. And I have hopes for the baby.) I’ve watched friends with boys who were mellow, and silently wished that they could birth a fireball, just so they could relate to my exhaustion level.
I am a firm believer that Yahweh (YHWH) gives us the children we are supposed to have, in the order and age increments we are supposed to have them. I believe if we are walking according to His will and seeking His face, that He designs the perfect family for us, whether thru adoption or by natural birth. I don’t understand it all, but it does help to believe this on the hard days. I can say to each child, “You are a gift from someone who loves me (and you) so very much, and we will get through this tough day.” I can have hope, trusting that each relationship is designed by God for the refinement and sanctification of each child (and parent.)
February 1, 2008 at 12:53 am |
Good thoughts, Holly.
People used to tell me that it would get easier when the older children could help. It sure did! Having a 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son makes the house run a lot smoother. Of course, the younger two (7 and 4) are also learning to do their share, but it makes being a Mommy a little smoother. I’m learning to delegate, and rather than feel “guilty” about having everyone pull their own weight, I like to remind myself that I am training these children for how they will need to run their own homes someday. My mother was (and is) an AWESOME woman, but she didn’t require me to help around the house at all when I was growing up, or even until I left the house. Turns out, it made it really tough on me those first years of my marriage. I didn’t know how to lift a finger!
Have a great day,
~Leah
February 1, 2008 at 2:03 am |
I hear ya, Holly. I 2nd that about God giving us, “…the children we are supposed to have, in the order and age increments we are supposed to have them. ”
My first daughter, my love, was the hardest of all my children. She had to be held constantly, lived on my brest, and only wanted me for the first two and a half years of her life. My 2nd daughter was the exact oposite. She slept through the night, nursed on her own schedule..not on constant demand like my 1st and bonded with my husband (ya know he could hold her while I went potty…without me having to rush out). My 3rd child – the boy – was even easier! I often think God for the order he gave them to me, because I’m not sure how I would have been able to handle my high needs 1st daughter, if she had come after the others. It was best to have her first as an only child – she needed all the attention she could get.
February 1, 2008 at 2:05 am |
Lovely thoughts indeed. I often think that I wouldn’t have been given a child I couldn’t handle – that it takes a special mother to raise a special child as spirited and energetic as mine!
February 1, 2008 at 2:31 am |
We have three very “not mellow” children. Though I praise the Lord that my son is a “helper”.
February 1, 2008 at 3:23 am |
‘not mellow’, that is also what I can say about my little boy. Oh, how I can envy other people sometimes. And also be very insecure about my own parenting…’Look how quiet those children are, I must be doing something very wrong’ But time after time, I see that what makes him hard to ‘handle’ is also exactly what makes him so wonderful!
I don’t think those ‘mellow’ children run up and down the livingroom each morning, shouting from the top of their lungs, with their arms in the air ‘YES YES YES!’ (how happy can you be with a new day?). Unfortunately, he uses the same amount of energy to tell me ‘NO NO NO’.
And it seems that my babygirl is made of the same material…please, please Holly, give us your own wisdom and what you have learned from others!
I liked alot what you said about the child being a gift from someone who loves us…I will keep that in mind, tomorrow….
Annemarie
February 1, 2008 at 4:40 am |
Amen Holly!! Amen!!
Annemarie, it seems to me you have stumbled upon the heart of the matter…that those qualities about our children which at times exasperate us are really only another side of their STRENGTHS. That this is the way God made them, on purpose, to fulfill HIS purposes in this world.
I have a group of children who very boldly enter into conversations with adults. Sometimes this drives my husband (and me) absolutely NUTS because they don’t have a good sense that they are not equals to the adults they are talking to and sometimes we wish they “knew their place”. But on the other hand, I try to remind dh, God could have given us children who look at you mutely (or not at all) when spoken to. This is how God made them!! It may drive me nuts NOW, but I am sure it fits into the plan He has for them..plans for a hope and a future!!
The other thing is that Scripture tells us that “God…comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” (2 Co. 1:3-4) As the mom of two special needs children, both of whom make the word “strong willed” seem mild, and having the experience of having two rough-and-rowdy boys 14 mo. apart, I am amazed at how many times the Lord has allowed me to minister to a younger mother going through something the Lord has already carried me through.
February 1, 2008 at 5:21 am |
<>
I have thought this before, but Holly, I never thought to actually *say* it to the one I was thinking it about. Brilliant. Inspired, even.
Designs the perfect family for us? For sanctification? Oh yeah. YHWH even makes sure He lets me see how much of *my* sinful tendencies (gulp) are passed on to certain children ~ just to make sure the sanctification process is effective, I’m sure. (wink)
You know, I didn’t realize that we were headed into a season of several Littles again until I read this. It sure helps to have that mindset going into it, so we (I) can get the gameplan prepared. It matters…this understanding the season we’re in, and understanding that it *is* a season, and not forever. Helps us to be faithful throughout the season, and not just waiting for it to pass.
I’m looking forward to the next Part.
February 1, 2008 at 8:45 am |
Just for the record: I have one of those kids – one of the mellow ones. I also have a fireball. Both are sinners, and both make me crazy, crazy, crazy at times; it just looks really different. They both also make me laugh until I cry; it just looks different!
February 1, 2008 at 8:59 am |
…wait a minute… you mean… kids come in “mellow”? WHAT??? I have FOUR children! Not ONE of them knows what it means to be mellow! We’re talking 4 strong-willed, quick-tempered, fast-talkin’, hard-hittin’, full-blown hyperactive, full-a-the-dickens little ME’s!!
Mellow. Some people have all the luck!
~Leah
February 1, 2008 at 10:06 am |
Thank you for starting this journey, Holly. I can’t wait to hear what you have in store for us. Our oldest little boy is one of those boys that make people constantly ask us if we could bottle some of his energy. I wish, and give me an intravenous drip of it. I’m looking forward to the rest of the series thank you for sharing some of your wisdom and thoughts.
February 3, 2008 at 1:40 am |
I agree that having the older ones to help definitely takes a huge load off of Mom, and that it becomes much easier to relax and be the Mom you want to be when you aren’t rushing around performing all the essential tasks alone. I am glad that season is past for me. I remember how exhausted I was. Now I have ten children and am pregnant again, and it is rare for me to feel exhausted let alone tired. Other people don’t realize that and think I’m supermom. lol
(Of course, don’t hold me to that…I’m sure with later pregnancy and newborn nights those days are coming when I will just HAVE to sleep!)
I know now that God made four of the five oldest in our family girls so I would have the help I need now that the five youngest are BOYS!
Those girls are really learning how to cook.
God Bless,
Annette
February 3, 2008 at 1:45 am |
P.S. I wanted to add that our oldest boy is now 14…and he has been absolutely fantastic with the last few babies we had…always helping out with settling them to sleep or entertaining them, without tiring or complaints. He has a knack for babies! (Don’t ask about how he tolerates little brothers as they get older and get into his things, though…that’s another story.) I just wanted to share how much help each one of the oldest have been to make our family “work,” and how much that plays into keeping Mom (me) happy, healthy, and SANE.
God is good.
~Annette
February 3, 2008 at 2:48 am |
Oh, I have to agree, Annette.
You invest in them when they are little…and it reaps great rewards when they are older! A true blessing!
February 6, 2008 at 10:01 pm |
I love this post…..thanks for the reminder that it’s not that I get so good at this mothering stuff…it’s jsut that it’s a new stage. My oldest is 13 and in some ways it’s easier. I’m still very busy though….I still have ages 13, 11, 10, 8, 6, 5, 3, 10m and a baby due in July!